what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
