Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
