you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
