I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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