I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
