You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
