I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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