I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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