I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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