I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
