got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
