Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dick very happy bro
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
