You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
