Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
