The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
