yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
