Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
