This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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