He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
