Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
