My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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