4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
