just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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