I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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