I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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