You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
