I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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