I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
