Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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