I think I am morally bankrupt
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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