He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
