i barfeds in our rink
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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