even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
