I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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