just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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