You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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