Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
