i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
