just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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