Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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