Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
