i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
