I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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