So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
