I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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