worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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