in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
