I need help removing her.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
