I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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