sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
