How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
