just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
