went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
