I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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