There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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