You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
