No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
