Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
