so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
