my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
