; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
