she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
