He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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