some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
