found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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