We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
